The Icarian

THAT NDE, NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE & ME

By Karen Strickholm 03/24/2025

Have you heard about NDEs? It means Near Death Experience, in which a person experiences “the other side” in some capacity.

Prior to my unfortunate incarceration in Ye Olde Nursing Home 🤣😂 I had several, and am ready to share the most impactful one now. For several years after, I could not speak about it. I didn’t have the words – If was too intense, too strange. Too foreign.

I had just had a second brain surgery, to remove the tumor that grew back. For reasons unbeknownst to medicine, blood clots often form after brain surgery, and that’s what happened to me. Seventeen, to be exact. They all busted loose at once, and flew into my lungs rapid-fire, like Pacmen. Yikes!

Fortune often favors me, and did on this day, as my medical aide had just arrived when it happened. Rushed to the hospital, I was placed in Trauma Bay #1, reserved for the most serious, urgent cases.

The on-call doctor, another stroke of good luck, turned out to be a literal rocket scientist from Los Alamos, who had gotten bored with rockets and retrained as an ER doctor.

We are inside the “golden hour,” when people are most likely to be saved. Still, 17 blood clots to the lungs has a scary high mortality rate, well into the 90th percentile. Things are touch and go, as they fumble to insert IV lines, apply EKG sensors, inject clot-busting drugs.

While all these hands are upon me, there appears, a bit beyond the foot of my bed and up in the air, my deceased dog Annie Bananie. It’s clear as day, and I am transported into this other scene, the ER activity continuing in the background, low-grade noise in the distance.

I am so happy to see Annie! What a great dog she was. The vibe here is so chill, I feel so relaxed. As Annie and I look at each other, the picture slowly fills out.

First, a split rail fence extends out to either side, leaving a wide opening with Annie at the center, front paws right on the dividing line, as dogs are wont to do. Then, an endless field of tall, gently swaying grass and vibrant wild flowers appear, as far as the eye can see, glistening in the light.

Next, in a leisurely stroll from the back of the field, comes a bunch of people – some relatives, like grandparents, aunts and uncles. Some deceased close friends. And some surprises, like my old boyfriend Jordy from my youth on Nantucket Island.

Hello Jordy! I am so touched he is there.

A few strangers. I somehow “know” they are my guardians in this lifetime, members of my “soul posse.”

I look at them. They smile at me. I know they are there to escort me over, through that proverbial veil to the other side. Just one step is all that is needed.

Thing is, I wasn’t sure I wanted to take that step. What ensued was a fairly lengthy conversation with myself… “Am I ready to go? I thought I was staying longer. So then why are they here? I thought I came in for a reason. I don’t know what that reason is, but I DO know I haven’t completed that purpose yet. Am I supposed to go now? Am I still committed to this important yet unknown mission? Why are they still standing there?”

I do know one thing for sure – they are awaiting my decision.

At this point, I decide to go with my gut – deep down, I know I am not done. I came in with a mission, and while I may not know what that mission is, I do know it is not accomplished. I throw up my right hand (because in New Jersey, we are hand talkers), and declare “I’m not f***ing ready to go!” Yes, I cursed at the light beings. But in a nice and kinda funny way. I am so comfortable with them!

They nod and smile with complete understanding.

There is more – What happened next was absolutely extraordinary. Life altering. From way, way back in the field to the left, a massive wave of PURE LOVE rushed towards me, a ginormous tornado of energy

It hit me so hard, it would have knocked me flat on my back, if I wasn’t already flat on that ER gurney. This wave of love shot through the very atoms of my body, through the spaces between electrons and neutrons. I was acutely aware of the porousness of “stuff.” After passing through the matter that is me, the love-tornado whipped around me several times, then faded back from whence it came.

Most religions have a term for this mystical experience – transverberation, religious ecstasy, wajd, piti, samādhi. Stunned by what just happened. I know what just occurred is extraordinary, a gift, a teaching, a reminder. The guardians nod and smile, gazing upon me with so much love, so much acceptance. The encounter feels complete. Gradually, the scene begins to recede, field, split rails, dog, people. Everything transitioned to black and white, finally dissolving into the ether.

Now I am back in Trauma Bay #1.

The doctor-rocket scientist and the medics are placing telemetry all over me, an IV is starting to drip more clot busters into my blood stream.

It is 8:45am.

I look around at all the people and machines and think to myself, “Well I stayed. Guess now, this adventure continues.” I am, and remain since that time, acutely aware I have chosen this life.

NDE Defeats Fear

In spite of all the travails since that NDE, and there have been many, I understand why I’m still here. Simply put, I decided. Looking from the outside, the road I’ve traveled since has been a hard one. Yet my orientation to illness, financial distress, immobility, isolation has been completely transformed.

While I often find myself in a Battle Royale to fend off death, I am no longer afraid of dying. The “posse” will return whenever I am ready. It’s so incredibly simple, dying is – just a mere step.

This reorientation has transformed how I navigate life. I feel so fortunate to be alive. Mostly, I have an inner tranquility – swinging more gently in the center swath of life’s ups and downs. I am less afraid. Gut instinct is my compass. While I still have some fear of pain while dying, I no longer fear death itself, not at all.

Why share this now?

One of the things I’ve recently learned, is that if there is a need to write something, on the quantum level there is already somebody who wants and needs to read it. I sincerely hope some of this has found it’s mark with you. 💞🤗💞 With much love, Karen

PS: And now for your Amuse Bouche… Knitting turned into porcelain!

https://www.facebook.com/reel/975883264752632

Next Episode:

THE CARE & FEEDING OF YOU – FINAL TALE FROM THE NURSING HOME

Previously:

Diné Culture YÁ’ÁT’ÉÉH, PEOPLE.

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About this series…
Karen Strickholm had a hidden brain tumor on her pituitary gland. The tumor she didn’t know she had until she was about 50, wound up taking her health and all she had built in life. Her tumor, diagnosed in 2008, caused a tsunami of symptoms and eventually forced her into long-term care in a nursing home and a series of hospitals.

This is America, the only developed nation that does not have universal healthcare, and the only developed nation where medical debt can force you into bankruptcy.

Karen became one of the financial statistics due to her medical debt, and the fact that she couldn’t get Medicare unless she was literally penniless.

What made Karen different from many other people was her relentless optimism and belief that she was going to get better, would walk out of the nursing home to build a new life. She was smart, a good writer and she left behind a number of digital artifacts, which have been collected into this series. Karen relates, in her own words, her journey through the American healthcare system and the reality living penniless in a nursing home long term.

Karen Strickholm died 6 April 2026 in a hospital in Albuquerque, New Mexico, of sepsis and pneumonia. She was 67.

This multimedia documentary series is her story.

Medical bankruptcy
• Approximately 66.5% of non-business personal bankruptcies in the U.S. were attributed to medical reasons in 2019.
• 1 in 10 U.S. adults (10.5 million) have experienced medical bankruptcy since 2001.
• 78% of bankrupt individuals in 2022 cited medical expenses as their primary cause.
• Medical bankruptcy rates increased by 21% from 2010 to 2020, even as overall bankruptcy rates declined
• The average interest rate on medical debt from bankruptcies is 21% (2022)
https://worldmetrics.org/medical-bankruptcies-statistics/
Nursing home stats
• On any given day, more than 1.3 million individuals receive care in a nursing home or skilled nursing facility, and a total of more than 4 million receive care each year.
• 6 out of 10 residents (64%) are short-stay patients who remain in a skilled nursing facility for an average of 25 days.
• Nearly four out of 10 residents (36%) are long-stay residents. These individuals often have multiple health conditions. Their average age is 76.
• Nursing homes employ about 1.5 million people.
• Nearly 90% are women, and 60% are people of color.
• One out of every five nursing home workers is an immigrant.
• There are around 15,000 nursing homes in the United States.
• The average size of a nursing home is 109 beds.
• Medicaid covers the cost of care for nearly two out of every three residents (63%).
https://www.ahcancal.org/Data-and-Research/facts/Pages/default.aspx